Is he the one? Do i love him enough to spend my life with him? These are the questions we often ask ourselves. Although it’s easy to think your guy is the one, it’s hard to know for sure. To see if you’re serious about him and if he’s worth it, here are a few tips and strategies to guide you make a decision.
How to know he’s the one
- Notice that you feel like Wonder Woman around him. He should make you feel like a superhero. You should feel like you can be anybody and do anything when you’re with him. You should be unafraid of the challenges in your life because he makes you confident that you are strong enough to get through them. When you’re with him, you should feel like you can take on the world and win.
- Make sure you feel comfortable being yourself in front of him. This doesn’t just mean being that “silly you” that only your close friends or family know; it means letting him see you vulnerable, whether it’s without make-up, after a sweaty workout, when you’re afraid, or while you cry.
- Make sure you don’t feel ashamed around him. If you feel the need to hide things around him, then maybe he’s not the one. He should love you no matter what, and if you worry that he’d leave you over your traits, then maybe he isn’t the one. There may be conflicts in agreements, yes, but you should respect each other’s opinion.
- Future plans. See how often he makes future plans with you. Do you fantasize about the apartment, house, pets, or even children you may one day have together.
- Watch his gestures: Notice how much he says “I love you”. It’s nice if he says “I love you too” after you say it but it’s important that you aren’t the only person saying the initial I love you. He needs to say it sometimes too. This shows that he thinks about how much he cares about you and that he’s not just following the standard script that he feels is expected. If he doesn’t, don’t get too worried. Some guys are just very shy about sharing their feelings. Let him know how much you want to hear it from him if you notice he is the shy type.
- Pay attention to his manners/approach. If he frequently tells you what to do, tries to run your life, or manipulates your emotions to get what he wants, watch out! This guy is insecure and feels that he has the upper hand in your relationship. “The one” will be secure with you and let you be who you are.
- Make sure he doesn’t pressure/intimidate you. Be sure that your relationship is moving at a pace you are comfortable with. If you aren’t willing to wait for him to be ready, you may need to reevaluate the level of commitment you have toward him. Both of you shouldn’t neglect the needs of the other, which means that, along with caring for his needs, you also need to make sure he cares for your needs.
- Notice if you’re excited to include him in your life. Do you compliment him to your friends and include him in your family? This is important as it is a major vote of confidence. On the other hand, if you don’t feel secure about a relationship, you may subconsciously find excuses not to introduce or discuss him. Also, do you want to help him get along with his family (or even stick up for him) because it’s important that they like you?
- Notice how you change each other. Unconsciously, we often change when we find that special someone. Sometimes, the change could be negative or positive but you will need to decide whether the change has a positive impact on you or not.
- Check for discrepancies between what is said and what is communicated. Avoid being blinded by his poetic side that you fail to notice whether or not he has done anything to back it up. At the same time, we might be so frustrated by someone who doesn’t spout poetry that we overlook all the thoughtful, loving gestures they’ve made. Reflect on whether either of you fits into one of these categories.
- Compatibility. It’s often said that living together is the true test of compatibility; a relationship that takes place entirely in restaurants and parks might be wine and roses, but having to share dishes, watch each other shave, and trip over dirty laundry can dispel an illusion in no time. How well do you compromise on individual and shared responsibilities when you live together? If you don’t live together, have you at least swapped keys to each other’s places? And if so, how welcome do you both feel?
- Strike a balance: Ask yourself if you have a comfortable balance when it comes to spending time together and apart. Having your own separate interests will provide for a more interesting relationship and help you both to maintain healthy, independent identities. If the relationship is on the right track, you will feel comfortable and secure even when you are apart. But if you don’t feel comfortable, then its time to pack up.